I mean, not 100 percent Im not an animal.
I am theoretically capable of experiencing joy, wanderlust, and many other positive human emotions.
Im talking about the other part of me.
Etang Grenon, a small lake at the heart of the Swiss municipality of Crans-Montana.Credit:Clara Tuma
Its sort of our place.
For the past year, my family and I have been living in Madrid.
When a school break comes around, no one talks aboutskiing in Jackson or Steamboat or Tahoe.
From left: Skiing on a trail from Violettes; the gondola to the top of the Violettes area.Clara Tuma
They talk aboutZermattand Courchevel.
We believed we knew what to expect.
The sun sparkling off the chalets and storefronts in the small town that tumbled down the mountainside before us.
From left: Pascal Cordonnier with his famous raclette, which can be sampled at Six Senses Crans-Montana; roasted carrots with burrata at Wild Cabin, a restaurant at Six Senses.Clara Tuma
Below, the Rhone River Valley snaked wide and flat, like a ribbon shaved off of Iowa.
On the opposite side was a wall of massifs rising in progressively higher, whiter peaks.
Below, the Rhone River Valley snaked wide and flat, like a ribbon shaved off of Iowa.
The dining room at Le Bistrot des Ours.Clara Tuma
On the opposite side was a wall of massifs rising in progressively higher, whiter peaks.
We had to slide kick off the balcony door and step outside before it felt real.
He was 20 years old, and tall, and smelled of espresso, Proraso, and bravado.
The lounge at Six Senses Crans-Montana.Clara Tuma
(Okay, I cant be totally sure what he smelled like, because it was windy.
But Im willing to bet.)
At each lift, the crowds grew sparser.
From left: Rue du Prado, a main shopping thoroughfare; a plate of local cured meats, cheese, and rye bread at Cabane des Violettes.Clara Tuma
And in thefunitelwe traversed vast empty fields of snow and walls of sheer rock.
Thefunitel,by the way, was terrifying.
The only sensible thing to do in afunitelis to imagine what it would be like to die in one.
From left: Lamb stew with winter vegetables at Chetzeron; a ski lift over the cliffside Cabane des Violettes restaurant.Clara Tuma
All around us was vast whiteness and sky.
Gherardo started down, and we followed him.
Then he followed us, giving my kids pointers on their technique.
From left: Designer shopping on the Rue du Prado; the terrace at the high-altitude Merbé restaurant.Clara Tuma
They learned to ski in Massachusetts.
Gherardo had no desire to kill that confidence.
He just wanted to impart two simple lessons.
From left: A suite at Sport Club Residences; raclette pizza at the Wild Cabin restaurant at Six Senses Crans-Montana.Clara Tuma
First, he wanted my daughter to be more zen when she skied.
Franchi, Franchi, Franchi, Gherardo said, using the Italian diminutive for Francesca.
you should probably relax.
Après-ski on the terrace of Cabane des Violettes.Clara Tuma
You have too much an-zee-a-tee in your body.
After a great deal of deliberation, he decided the word wasamortizing.
Im not sure he was right.
The spa pool at Six Senses.Clara Tuma
But who am I to tell him thatamortizingis what happens to a 30-year fixed-rate mortgage?
We hung out with Gherardo for a few days, and he probably saidamortizingfive hundred times.
Finn, Finn, you are not amortizing!
The town of Crans-Montana.Clara Tuma
Or That run was good but more amortizing.
Look at that guy doing the moguls.
His legs go up and down, but his head stays flat because hes amortizing.
The view from the funitel gondola that runs between the Violettes and Plaine Morte ski areas.Clara Tuma
Theres a lot to recommending a skiing trip to the Swiss Alps.
The fact that, at least at Crans, there are no enormous resorts.
You dont feel like youre skiing on a giant cruise ship the way you do in the U.S. sometimes.
Those are all great attributes, but really, its the food.
I bet they teach classes at Harvard Business School about ski-lodge beer pricing).
At Crans, there are many good restaurants actually on the mountain.
As a side note, kindly know that if you go to Crans youll eat fondue.
Even if youre deathly lactose-intolerant sorry, this might be the literal hill you die on.
Raclette cheese is the foundational substance of Crans.
The answer is five.
And youll leave knowing youre capable of so much more than you thought.
Crans sort of peaked 20 or 30 years ago and, until recently, had been frozen in time.
Crans is in the midst of becoming more subtly luxurious and aspirational.
After lunch at Violettes, we took it easy as we worked through our food coma.
We carefully skied around as they loaded him onto a stretcher, his knee in a brace.
I saw it as a reminder that one beer is more than enough at lunch.
Gherardo saw it as something else.
It is a shame, he called, nodding toward the man and shaking his head.
He did not amortize.
Its a surprising addition to Crans-Montana, which is one of the sleepier Swiss ski towns.
This is what Jacobs liked about the town, and I liked it, too.
But there had been no new-vintage luxury hotel projects, really.
The vibe of the hotel is a very hushed, low-lit, understated luxury.
That there are people for whom dragging strangers suitcases upstairs and unpacking socks and underwear is completely their pleasure.
Six Senses has excellent restaurants.
That cheese is worth the whole trip.
But the main attraction at Six Senses Crans-Montana, IMO, is the spa.
The indoor-outdoor pool, the chaise longues, the endless reservoirs of water.
It is called the Wet Area.
(No jokes, yo!
Its probably not a funny name if youre Swiss and English is only your third language.
So sue me, and apologies to Gherardo.)
Hot and cold air, dry air, and moist.
I went into the mens changing room while my wife went into the womens changing room.
(Its important to change terry-cloths at least three times every day at any Six Senses property.)
Then my wife and I went into the Finnish sauna.
When I opened my eyes my wife was gone.
I got out and went into the cold plunge pool for seven seconds until I thought I would die.
Occasionally I would see my kids.
Theyd be paddling around in the pool or chugging cups of cucumber water.
Or sitting on chaise longues wrapped in bathrobes.
They knew it was supposed to just them and they also knew it didnt.
They were not amortizing.
Not the same for me.
To me, that is what a luxury hotel is for.
Its to lay down in a sauna and never get up again.
Stay for the two chef-led restaurants and the enormous spa.
Sport Club Residences:These 12 apartment-style accommodations are decorated with bright, contemporary flair.
Skiing, mountain biking, and dog-sledding facilities are all nearby.
Where to Eat
Byakko: A jewel-box restaurant with Japanese-inspired dishes at the Six Senses Crans-Montana resort.
