From left: Taylor Burk; Heather Richardson

“You got this mom!

The voice floating down the Bella Coola Valley belonged to my firstborn, Ethan.

Then, despite how precariously I was perched and how uncertain I was, I kept climbing.

Pair of photos, one showing a humpback whales, and one showing two young men rock climbing

From left: A humpback whale breaks the surface just off Port Hardy, on Canada’s Vancouver Island; the author’s sons, Ethan (left) and Cameron, climbing the via ferrata in Tweedsmuir Provincial Park.Credit:From left: Taylor Burk; Heather Richardson

This particular journey marked the end of an era.

Traveling together is as much a part of our family culture as Scrabble tournaments and backyard barbecues.

It was my reprieve from the grief of losing him to the world.

Tweedsmuir Park Lodge, with a mama bear and two cubs

A grizzly-bear family ambles through the grounds of Tweedsmuir Park Lodge, in Stuie, British Columbia.Max St John/Drink Tea & Travel

The very act of climbing this mountain was a distraction.

Just keep going and dont look back.

Without Ethan in my belly, the opportunity would likely have gone to someone else.

A boat on the water in Canada

A Coastal Rainforest Safaris vessel sails through the ‘Nak̕’wa̱xda’x̱w First Nation territory of northern Vancouver Island.Ian Harland

And now here we were on the face of Mount Walker.

The route wed chosen for this trip was circular.

I chose the route selfishly: I didnt want to share my family with crowds of people.

This way was slow, covered long distances, and required countless hours in the car together.

It included places that are hard to reach, where nature rules and quiet abounds.

Places where we could savor one anothers presence and pretend our world wasnt about to be forever changed.

And it didnt take long.

Before sailing north, we spent a day in Port Hardy for a wildlife tour withCoastal Rainforest Safaris.

The boys began searching for the telltale sprays that primed us for the whales inevitable arched backs.

The boys are two years apart, but so emotionally close they almost seem like fraternal twins.

They have a secret language of looks and smiles that always grows stronger when we are away from home.

Our next stop,Tweedsmuir Park Lodge,lies in the wilderness of the Great Bear Rainforest.

They cracked jokes with our pilot and enjoyed each others company without even a backward glance at their parents.

On a walk with lodge naturalist Ellie Lamb, we learned about the mama bears who roam the park.

A female raises her cubs until they turn three, when she pushes them out of the fold.

Shes taught them everything they need to know, Lamb said.

Now its their turn to find their way.

The last days of any vacation always feel like a Sunday morning.

Excitement for the day ahead; dread for whats to come.

We all seemed to feel it.

The brothers teasing was gentler.

I distracted myself with the role of navigator as we made the long drive to our next stop.

The rest of our adventure was intentionally slower paced, as we drove back to Vancouver from Bella Coola.

We drove 212 hours south to Clinton and checked in to the blissfully isolatedEcho Valley Ranch & Spa.

The plan was to spend our last three days basking in sunshine and busying ourselves with outdoor activities.

But the rain set in shortly after we arrived, and suddenly there was time to think.

Live with gratitude and love, she told him.

Think of those who love you and who need your love.

And then, in what felt like the blink of an eye, it was over.

We were back where we started our trip, where every joy now felt laced with sadness.

Giggles and groans over dinner were a reminder that Ethan would soon be missing from our table.

We laughed and played and teased and loved, but the refrain persisted: hed be leaving us.

I kept remembering the climb in Tweedsmuir.

How, despite going it alone, we all felt the support of the others cheering from the sidelines.

He will meet people who will love him as we do.

He will find his confidence and keep his spark.

We will miss him greatly.